Nurturing My Inner Child

Nurturing My Inner Child

This week, I realized that no matter how old and independent we are, we still need to take care of the inner child who lives within ourselves.

As I grew up, I went from being a daughter to an aunt, wife, and mother and started to forget to nurture the true version of myself that still lives inside me.

I spend most of my time fulfilling other people’s needs, many times before they even know they wanted something. Days pass, and the role of spouse and mother takes the priority.

So, This Is What Happened

My pain came to the surface this week, as I saw the distress and fear in the eyes of one the people I love the most. Their fear jump-started my pain. Seeing their hurt alive and burning, I remembered mine and got scared.

The emotional trauma due to lupus creates deep wounds and fears of facing life with the uncertainty and a sense of impotence. 

We All Need to Heal

My inner child needs healing. Multiple medications can only partially control some of my symptoms, as feelings continue to be suppressed and pushed down. This week I realized pretending they don’t exist does not work.

Avoiding talking about fear, loss, and anger may give the perception that everything is well, but there is a side of me with an emotional hole that needs compassion.

Lupus knows no race, gender, economic situation, or degree. Emotional pain does not know those boundaries either.

Someone you know may look wholly awesome and healthy, but can potentially be disguising their pain right in front of your eyes. It’s hard to show our vulnerability, and it’s not something people are usually proud of.

Be attentive, be compassionate, and loving with others. Emotional wounds are invisible to human eyes, and we all have them. The first step to work through them is to realize they exist and then take care of them.

Self-awareness is a big step, and it makes us feel scared and vulnerable. It takes a lot of maturity and strength to face our flaws and shadows.

One Step Towards Healing

Without honoring who we are, we cannot help the ones we love the most. I realized I need to be whole to lay a hand and empower the people I care for.

This week’s mantra has been that I will listen to what my body and soul are telling me. I will embrace my truth with kindness and compassion. I will silence my critics and embrace my imperfection.

These are my steps in my healing journey.

1. Increase my self-awareness: create a safe environment for me and ask myself: what’s going on? What are my feelings?
2. Avoid the trigger: pay attention to situations that may start my self-criticizing cycle and physical pain.
3. Identify and honor my needs: ask myself, what do I need to feel better and safe? How can I tune-up my thoughts and balance my emotions? 

I can be my best buddy or worse enemy. It’s crazy but true, and the rule applies to each one of us. The choice is on me, only me.

Do you agree?

Yours truly,

Hope