What is Your Birthday Wish?
I am a Scorpio. I know this sign comes with the stigma of being dominant, very sensitive, critical, and passionate. Above all, I see myself as an intense person.
I am never comfortable settling for an average result. When I aim something, I am all in to win.
That comes with an extra-weight of self-pressure, high expectations, and a need to control every tiny bit of the situation. I naturally focus on what can be improved instead of celebrating what has been done right.
Until lupus came uninvited.
About 6 years ago, near my birthday, I felt the weight of the word lupus for the first time. The bundle that it brings combines muscle and joint pain, the feeling of impotence, exhaustion, and above all, frustration.
Happy Birthday to Me
Last weekend was my birthday. If you have been following my blogs, you probably noticed that I have been redefining the state of my happiness, contentment, and working fiercely on my self-awareness journey.
My birthday was a pause for reflection. Not an easy one.
I like being surrounded by people, I am a people person.
I make friends quickly and do my best to cultivate relationships with love and respect. Being around people who I love and respect has been one of my antidotes to lupus, as I mentioned in my previous blog. Love does miracles.
Friendship, spirituality, and family, work wonders for me. They lift me up, bring a smile on my face, and give me the optimism I need to move forward with my head up high.
On “my” day, I chose to be quiet. I wanted to look silently inside and validate where I am today. I look at my soul and pay attention to the scars and emotional holes that I still bring with me. It was not a pleasant journey. There are lots of things I need to let go.
So why my birthday wish was to be left alone? Why did I decide to stay by myself in my cave when I know loving people do wonders?
I guess I needed to jump out of the present moment and look back at my wins and losses. Sum up everything and embrace all the emotions I have inside me and tell them that it is okay. It is okay to feel lonely in a mysterious condition, it is okay to be angry because things are not going my way, it’s okay to feel frustrated by not knowing how I will be tomorrow.
That is the biggest test so far. My life lesson, I guess.
Lupus has been working on my spirit and mind more than it has impacted my physical body. It continually reminds me of the importance of good moments and appreciate them.
It has been teaching me to appreciate my body and take care of it in the best possible way because I will need it until my last breath. It has been teaching me that it is not okay to be supercritical nor perfectionist, because we all have flaws, and that is what makes us beautiful and unique.
It took me 48 hours to move on. I used all my strength and determination to get out of the self-pity, dark hole that purposely put myself in. I didn’t like that place, and I want it to disappear. That is my new wish, to be able to let go.
And as far as I know, our minds command our lives.
For the next 365 days, my wish is to focus on blessings and open my heart to the unknown. What about you?