In my last blog, I mentioned how I have been out of pocket for a few days with all the cold/flu symptoms plus the usual flare discomfort.
Before publishing my blogs, I ask my husband for his feedback. His reaction last week was different from the previous ones. He mentioned how my tone was darker than usual, less optimistic, and not as uplifting.
That was a wake-up call for me.
How can I enter Thanksgiving week with heaviness in my heart? My words mirror what I feel inside. While there are a few things I wish could be different, there are so many everyday blessings around which I need to pay more attention to.
Happiness comes with kindness to ourselves and others, along with gratitude. Joy and happiness are inside me, and I am accountable for my joy.
While I cannot change all the facts in my life, I control how I experience them.
I am a Scorpio. I know this sign comes with the stigma of being dominant, very sensitive, critical, and passionate. Above all, I see myself as an intense person.
I am never comfortable settling for an average result. When I aim something, I am all in to win.
That comes with an extra-weight of self-pressure, high expectations, and a need to control every tiny bit of the situation. I naturally focus on what can be improved instead of celebrating what has been done right.
Until lupus came uninvited.
About 6 years ago, near my birthday, I felt the weight of the word lupus for the first time. The bundle that it brings combines muscle and joint pain, the feeling of impotence, exhaustion, and above all, frustration.
Practicing Self Awareness is something I have been trying to do for the past year. Understand my new life goals and emotions better, has been critical to be more content in the present moment.
How I perceive something directly impacts my physical wellbeing. My thoughts can make my mind fly at 100 miles per hour, and trap me in non-sense beliefs that can trigger all sorts of pain. The sense of lack of control increases my stress level and makes me feel impotent.
I feel empowered and stronger when I choose my thoughts and emotions thoughtfully. Being self-aware means being able to take on what is right for me and discard what is not.