I know our lives are not a dream, but we can make it better if we want to.
At times, we may choose to carry on pain, fear, self-doubt, and sometimes fill our days with: “I can’t, I did that, I suck on this, I tried, I wish, I don’t have, or maybe one day … blah, blah, blah. Why we, the smartest living creatures on this planet consciously choose to do that?
I am a Scorpio. I know this sign comes with the stigma of being dominant, very sensitive, critical, and passionate. Above all, I see myself as an intense person.
I am never comfortable settling for an average result. When I aim something, I am all in to win.
That comes with an extra-weight of self-pressure, high expectations, and a need to control every tiny bit of the situation. I naturally focus on what can be improved instead of celebrating what has been done right.
Until lupus came uninvited.
About 6 years ago, near my birthday, I felt the weight of the word lupus for the first time. The bundle that it brings combines muscle and joint pain, the feeling of impotence, exhaustion, and above all, frustration.
Practicing Self Awareness is something I have been trying to do for the past year. Understand my new life goals and emotions better, has been critical to be more content in the present moment.
How I perceive something directly impacts my physical wellbeing. My thoughts can make my mind fly at 100 miles per hour, and trap me in non-sense beliefs that can trigger all sorts of pain. The sense of lack of control increases my stress level and makes me feel impotent.
I feel empowered and stronger when I choose my thoughts and emotions thoughtfully. Being self-aware means being able to take on what is right for me and discard what is not.
Talking to a friend this week, we remembered how many things we have been through in the past few years. How our lives took a completely different turn since we left school, and we are not where we thought we would be.
Thinking about the past brings good and bad memories, and reminds me of how everything has its time in our lives.
Lots of experiences, and people who seemed to be so relevant, suddenly became memories. Familiar places that don’t exist anymore, people I love who passed away.
Happiness, sorrows, wins, and disappointments, almost everything ended at some point.
I am so used to live the present moment, that some times I forget to focus on what is critical instead of what is urgent. The day-to-day habit and challenges can quickly fill up my hours, and I overlook the right things to spend my energy on.
This week, I was talking to a friend of mine whose mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This came as a surprise for her family who lives in Asia, and suddenly this girl who is based in the States, had to make a last-minute decision: stay here with her son and husband or fly back to her home country to be with her mom, not knowing when she can return.